The Secret we keep from Ourselves


You are listening to JoyChats ... your podcasting channel for  ... explorations in Consciousness, ... Silence, ... Self Realization, ... Self Discovery, ... The Mystery ...

Prior to 1997 I had lived a successful and jet setting life  with homes in Seattle, WA and Melbourne, Australia ... no financial worries ... a seemingly good marriage ...  and many material comforts  ... a life deeply immersed in the highly creative and lucrative world of hi-tech business ...  so at one level all seemed to be going great ... however, there was an undeniable sense of "something missing" or life being "somewhat hollow" ...

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This feeling had been with me since 1987 ... at times it was dormant but gradually it increased in intensity and ultimately demanded my full attention. Not surprisingly '87 is when I started exploring various Eastern and Western wisdom sources for example ... The Bhagavada Gita, The Vedas, Mystical poets like Rumi, various realized beings with their teachings ... Psychology, particularly Carl Jung's work, ... Stan Grof the founder of Transpersonal Psychology, ... and the eminent mythologist Joseph Campbell. And over the years I participated in various workshops, seminars, and retreats ... My journey also led me to the Amazon and some other intriguing, fascinating, and sacred places.

Of course, each example can be the subject of several episodes however my rationale for mentioning these here is not to glorify my background or throw out some distinguished names... The intention is to point out that a multi faceted and unrestricted search was undertaken ... apparently this is quite typical when "something is missing in life." The subject matters of interest are obviously unique to each individual's journey but the fundamental principle of in-depth search is the same.

All of this kept me very busy and was certainly gratifying at one level ... it brought many interesting encounters and conversations ... and also made me feel good about the knowledge and the experiences .... but something still nagged at me ... So much so that in 1996, which was 9 years into the focused seeking,  I knew something had to change because I just could not go on with the usual life. Co-incidentally, that same year, as part of an executive seminar, I faced the question "What if I have six months left to live?" and to my surprise, I discovered that I was not living anything that was revealed in my honest and heartfelt answer.

This sobering question was the catalyst of a profound shift away from the life I had known.

Throughout my journey, I was deeply and inexplicably drawn to solitude ... so naturally, over the years, I experimented with several short to extended forays into silence  ... but the real deep ones came after 1996 ... Of course, Silence was, and is, the revealer of our True nature .... it was, and is, the dissolver of all kinds of illusions carried over the years. I am reminded of a segment from the last episode, ... Ramana Maharishi's comment that "Mowna is Ishvara Svarupa." ...  which also means Silence is the face of God! Indeed... Silence is one of greatest gifts you can give yourself.

Some of my early childhood period illusions probably came through osmosis ... i.e., absorbing the local lore or mythology. Other illusions were created in the later adult years ... sort of as a natural by product of my journey ... the extended and varied nature of the journey seems to create, or solidify, a mental construct as to what the final result of seeking may look like. This may come from our interpretation of ... some realized being's personal story or ... what has been written in ancient wisdom texts or ... our own extraordinary and mind blowing experiences.

Unfortunately, such constructs become one of the key obstacles in seeing That which is always here! The Divine is present in the magnificent and extraordinary but is also and equally present in the utterly mundane.

As Rumi  says ... "Why look for God .... Look for the one looking for God ... but then Why look at all? ... He is not lost ... He is right here ... Closer than your own breath!"

And as Nirmala says ...

I always thought you would come to me
in the shape of a beautiful lover
I never dreamed you would steal my heart
with no shape at all
I always pretended I needed arms to hold me
and lips to kiss away my pain
yet I find fulfillment
in the embrace of empty space
I always wished you would speak to me
with words of tender sweetness
now I know you whisper silently
of your undying love
I always knew I would find you
although I foolishly looked with my eyes
you were here all along
hiding just out of sight in my heart


This poem is from Gifts with No Giver, a love affair with truth, Poems by Nirmala. This book is available for free download from Nirmala's website: Nirmala also offers several of his other books for free download from his website.

As usual, the emphases and the repetitions in the poem reading are my literary liberties.

The Rumi poem is a paraphrased one from "A Garden Beyond Paradise, The Mystical Poetry of Rumi, Translated by Jonathan Star and Shahram Shiva." The original poem translation was an episode on RumiTime in April.

You may also enjoy our other channel ...  RumiTime re mystical poetry readings from Rumi, Kabir, Nirmala, Hafez (Hafiz), and others.



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